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« Data: May 23rd, 2026, 6:43pm » |   |
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Skromnaya devushka priglashaet parnya v gosti na chay. On prikhodit s dvumya butylkami konyaka. Ona: — Ya zhe tebya na chay priglashala! On: — Nu eto… Ty skazala sama, chto k chayu… eto, gde ono tut… Vytaskivaet iz karmana zamuchennuyu irisku: — Vot! Konfety s konyakom! * * *
Esli idesh okhotitsya na Godzillu, to shansy 50:50: libo on tebya…, libo ONA tebya — zavisit ot pola Godzilly… * * *
Obyavlenie. Dlya ispytaniy ocherednoy partii opytnykh avtomobiley avtozavodu trebuetsya ocherednaya partiya opytnykh voditeley. * * *
Reshil muzhik v kino skhodit. Kupil tri butylki vodki, a kogda prishel — okazalos, chto on pereputal vremya nachala na 30 minut. Zakhodit v zal, tam temno i nichego ne vidno. On poshel svoe mesto iskat (7 ryad 14 mesto). Podkhodit k pervomu popavshemusya kreslu: — Parnish, kakoy eto ryad? — Devyatyy. Idet dalshe. — Zhenshchina, u vas kakoy ryad? — Sedmoy. Ryad svoy nashel, teper ishchet mesto. — U vas kakoe mesto? — Shestoe. Podkhodit k sleduyushchemu: — U vas kakoe mesto? — Pyatnadtsatoe. Saditsya ryadom, dostaet pervuyu butylku i obrashchaetsya k sosedu sleva: — Muzhik, pit budesh? — Net spasibo mne nelzya — yazva zheludka. Povorachivaetsya k sosedu sprava: — Muzhik, pit budesh? — Net. — A baba tvoya? — Eto ne moya baba. Krichit vpered: — Ly-sy-y, pit budesh?! — Net, ne budu. Vypivaet butylku odin, dostaet druguyu i sprashivaet u tekh zhe: — Muzhik, pit budesh? — Ya zhe skazal, chto ne budu — u menya yazva! — Muzhik, pit budesh? — Net, ya zhe govoril! — A baba tvoya? — Ne moya eto baba! — Ly-sy-y pit budesh?! — Net, ne budu! Prishlos emu v odinochku i vtoruyu vypit, posle chego dostal tretyu i snova: — Muzhik, pit budesh? — Da otstan ty ot menya, u menya yazva! — Muzhik, pit budesh? — Ty, chto pridurok chto li? Skazal zhe, chto ne budu! — A baba tvoya? — Da ne moya eto baba! — Ly-sy-y, pit budesh?! Tut ves zal vstaet i skandiruet: — Ly-sy-y pey, Ly-sy-y pey! * * *
Pochemu-to fraza: «Professor zavalil studenta na ekzamene» — zvuchit sovershenno obydenno, a vot «Student zavalil professora posle ekzamena» — vyzyvaet burnuyu reaktsiyu. * * *
— Skazhite, a vasha sobaka menya ne sest? — Da chto vy, tolko ponadkusyvaet. * * *
Vstrecha zabludivshegosya turista s rusalkoy priyatna vdvoyne: tut tebe i lyubov, i ukha! |
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